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God cares about you {and me} even when we’re a mess ~

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The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold you
 
peace and remain at rest.”
 
{Ex 14:14}
 
Capture
 
 
 
Many years ago, I was in a dark place, and I was a Christian. I was reaping the results of my poor choices {and I’m not talking my husband and children – they’re my undeserved blessings}. I had jumped ahead of God {{{again}}}. I pushed my husband to make choices that I wanted to see happen. I was tired of waiting, and you see, God needed my help. He let me fall right on my face too. I jumped right out, dragging my husband by the leash, and we were going to make this thing happen. Does this remind you of another head strong, misled woman, Eve maybe? So there I was, two years later, a million miles from where I was trying to lead our family. I felt judged, alone, exposed and abandoned. This was not Gods best.  To make matters worse, I was desperately seeking something to fill the void within me. The void that God was waiting to fill.
 
Next, I attempted to fix the mess I’d made. With a three year old on my knee and a ten week old on my breast, I studied Anatomy and Physiology by day. In the evening, as soon as my husband would come in the door from work, I’d run off to night classes. I was going to be a nurse. And if you happen to be a nurse than you know that nursing school, although a profession of God’s love and mercy, is a certain dimension of hell {…not trying to be overly dramatic, as an example, my night class started with 64 students and two years later only 10 of us graduated.} Only then, I found once I graduated that I wasn’t the right kind of nurse. I wasn’t the best nurse, just second best. God wouldn’t let that fill me.
 
 
Moreover, I was lost. Lost between the expectations of myself and slanted gazes of others. Lost between the patients ringing for their narcotics and my children at home who wanted me to finish reading Stuart Little to them.   Nevertheless, God never left me, and he never forsook me. He was just quietly waiting, waiting for me to need only him. He never changes.
 
Capture
 
 
 
Somewhere within my mess making and attempts at self-clean up, the Holy Spirit would get through.  He’d whisper to me that he was more than enough.   Out of nowhere, he’d speak to my heart.  You see, it’s just like you still wildly love your children – even when they’ve filled their pockets with the heads of your freshly bloomed flowers and have brown earth caked under their fingernails. God cares about you {and me} even when we’re a mess.
 
 
He spoke to me several verses during that season.  One verse, in particular, is still my primary “power verse.” This verse is like an old friend. I learned to roll it in my mind when the condemning voice of the enemy was beating down on me.  I would have days where I would not allow myself to have any other thought in my mind but this verse – those were good days.  “The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest.” {Ex 14:14}  Scrubbing pots The Lord will fight for me and I shall hold my peace and remain at rest…, coloring with childrenThe Lord will fight for me, and I shall hold my peace and remain at rest…,” walking down the Wal-Mart aisle The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest.” feelings of judgment, worry or doubt — no I couldn’t let those in, “The Lord will fight for me, and I shall hold my peace and remain at rest.”  I was learning to let the LORD fight for me, a priceless lesson.  I was also learning, finally for myself, the power of his WordWithout the trial, I would have never known triumph.
 
I love you, Jesus.
Thank you that you fight for us and that you feel we are worth fighting for.
Thank for the peace and the rest.

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